feel like popping at random into a few people's faces like a little energy-charged corn kernel.

split the skin! burst the orangey skeins of fibrous restraints! reveal and expose the whitey glarey pure unadulterated carbohydrate within! pop fizz whizz and TWOCK! out of the pan! into the hot melted butter and cheese! add salt! yumyumyum!

:)

i'm going insane. why am i so inexplicably, insatiably hungry all the time?

i'm pretty sure i'm neither pregnant nor full of lumbricoides.

okay, the pregnancy part, at least.

haha.

i'm making the words yellow orange for this post! to memorial-ize my popcorn craving! usually my salivary glands only respond to ribeye steak in mushroom sauce medium rare or rittersport galleta. haha.

haiz so long no time to blog already... this place accumulates cobwebs like it was created expressly for this sad purpose. haha.

been a very stressed little loktor! i guess i didn't really feel in my element in the past week... had a near breakdown (and in the process, threw a temper tantrum on my poor innocent wellmeaning cg mates) on tues. which was utterly horrible. what happened was, i felt that i absolutely, imperatively, diedie-must-ly stay for the sgh breast tut cos the tutor was unequivocally nice, dedicated and keen to share his ideas and experience. i thought it would be too good a learning opportunity to pass up with both hands surrendered, and yet at that most inopportune moment i had to return to nus for clinical skills training. not that it wasn't important or relevant (clinically relevant, practically hmmm maybe good to learn now as a student) but it really was a very bad time to make me consider which to attend - the mandatory one for EOP OSCE (coming in 29 days' time! and i'm still at abdo exam! eeeps!!) or the really useful one which could have taught me to slick-en up my exam and case presentation skills that'll come in handy for all my career span. it wasn't hard to see what i'd have chosen, but at that moment it really wasn't an open option for me, especially when my groupmates reminded me that the clinical skills, though mundane, was strictly the essence of testing at OSCE. they meant well, and really were trying very hard to help orientate a lost, confused and gao-bu-qing-chu-zhuang-kuang classmate to make the best decision, but at that very moment, my nasty stubborn nature decided to rear its rotten head and assert itself. so i made a face and snapped YES I'M GOING with the optional insinuation (ARE YOU GUYS HAPPY TO SEE ME GO, NOW?). it was a really ugly moment for me. so uncharacteristic, so out of control, so obstinately ignorant and yet trying to throw my weight around.



i did enjoy myself (not immensely, but relatively) at clinical skills. especially when i got to see jamesheidibimal and parasitically attached myself shamelessly to their cg throughout the sessions over the next 48hrs. so i apologised, roundly, sincerely and contritely. and my very gracious cg mates replied with reassurances that they understood where the outburst came from, and i was relieved. i guess things like these happen to everyone from time to time, and it was just my turn to experience a humbling moment. storm before the calm in this case is more appropriate than its mirror image adage.. and i really learnt from it. to take a step back, breathe in deeply, calm down, and re-analyse the situation objectively before jumping to opininiated decisions. even the fact that my alternate decision wasn't all bad (i still feel a twinge of regret at missing out on 2 good tutorials that would've been priceless in my learning journey) doesn't justify the loss of control over my emotions. i now comprehend what it means by obligation to duty. one can't have a cake and eat it all with glee, i realised. but it doesn't matter now, really. i thank God for grace and her ever-ready generosity in sharing her notes with me - andi'm determined to emulate her by sharing my cases with my cg mates. managed to clerk 2 additional patients, one from nuh and another from my voluntary late stay at sgh yesterday. both are pretty interesting and would probably be of some value to the 2 girls.

and another thing! i discovered, by serendipitous chance, that cheers sells sugarcane chestnut drinks at 10 cents dearer than nus coop (boos) which ain't good news to a perpetually thirsty, drive-myself-to-DM-with-sweet-drink-cravings person like me. on the other hand, i realised gleefully that they franchised rittersport at only 3.10 apiece! now THAT's good news to a chocolate addict (me again). but they didn't have galleta. sigh. BIG sigh. the whole hazelnuts one looks promising for extreme, irresistible cravings, though. worth considering :D

and yes, sgh is eeriely silent, deserted and DARK!!!!!! at 10.15pm at night.
VERY not good news for a chicken taptapping her way blindly homewards towards the mrt station.
kicks off palpitations, clammy hands, and insane muttering to oneself in the hope that it imparts more courage to cross the seemingly gulflike distance between block 4 and outram mrt.
in any case, even if it doesn't boost my courage, at least it buffers the time between the onset of a phantom BOO!-ing me from behind and my bald realization (gaping jaw, full-on heart attack etc) that i wasn't as alone as i thought. heh.
i couldn't resist glancing sideways at the decrepit block 8 and its annexes as i passed it on mon night. truly dark, creepy and hair raising. what is there to fear? EVERYTHING. especially when one's imagination has been divinely magnified and set into hyperdrive by dean koontz's very very vivid novels of gore and gristle. and the fact that block 8 houses many, many formaldehyde-immortalized pieces of humans. can't discount the fact that the morgue's just conveniently next door, either.

anyway. sgh is probably going to sue my hirsute buttocks off for "libel"ing and villifying its magnificent patho institution... so i'll leave it to your imagination to think about what it means to cross the building when no other living soul shares the stale breath with you as you hyperventilate and trot as fast as your stubby little legs can carry you past the wretched concrete monstrosity.

humans are really funny creatures. we group, we gather, we become civilised. we build buildings, dissect fellow humans, preserve them, and freak ourselves out of our little fibrosed guts when we're confronted wth the thought of being haunted by the people we've displayed proudly as a sign of civilisation and knowledge like war medals. tell me what de-evolution is if this isn't the classic example already.