and i'm sitting here stuck with my butt firmly vegetating on the cold marble floor, watching DEATH NOTE 2!!!!????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!


oh gosh.

i am going to perish in the coming exams in about the same way as everyone else did in the show.

due to the astoundingly great hype when death note was first released to the big screens in 2003, and subsequently its world-conquering stance when its sequel, death note 2 hit the same awed and stunned screens 3 years later, i decided that any self-respecting heretic (like me) ought to condemn the series, snub it for all it's worth (which is quite a lot - it even has a wikipedia entry! lolx) and declare myself too ostentatiously superior to the asinine intelligence of the series' writers and actors etc etc to warrant a waste of 3 hours of my life watching this.

man, am i totally eating my words.

i am falling in love with ryuzuki. i have this strange, inexplicable penchant for loner, weird, hunchbacked and TB-carrier-looking men. i probably need some psychotherapy... but man. looking at how the world accepted him when he first came on, i guess i'm not that weird compared to how RETARDED i am to have taken so long to realise he's actually quite a likeable character.

quite likeable?????

ah man, he's totally heartbreaking. too bad he had to die... but it was a pretty good way to go. nice and humane... not that we'd like anyone to die (certainly not our acquaintances, and i'm sure even the least of us feels a pang of regret and pity for any poor victim of sudden, or unexpected death in the news) but the fact remains that humans, being BIOS (see: CS Lewis, mere christianity, published 1996) cannot be immortal physically. so if we all have to die, whether we like it or not (and queer you are if you do)... i'd rather we all had the power within ourselves to grant everyone a quiet, dignified death. not thrashing, struggling, gasping, soiling oneself, bleeding copiously, or gradually losing control of one's faculties in that final few minutes. which is terribly, and sadly, true for so many poor people even today. shootings, accidents, infarctions, strokes... varied are the causes of death in Man, but the final leer of the devil is the same and equally chilling regardless of the way one passes from this world. but i guess we could add a bit of sourness to his smirk if we could choose to pass with dignity, rather than be lost to the insane sadistic desires of Satan to see us suffer as we relinquish our lives.

ah, then again, we could just WIPE the smirk off his face if we believe we're going to an infinitely better place. somewhere, even if we DID lose our continence in the last moments, that he could never go. which leaves him shrieking in eternal anguish in his little cove of hot coals. and we'd have the final laugh..... even as we cleaned ourselves up in Heaven.

and back to death note. yes. i'm not sure i'm for euthanasia, but i'm sure i'm against taking justice into our own hands and appointing ourselves God over our fellow Man. that's warped ethics... when you're just clinging on to the authority because you COULD, not because you would. and eventually it all becomes a point that you HAD TO, for survival. and death for yourself just becomes a drawn out agony, far more so for you than for the others that you've terminated, because the anesthesia provided in the megalomania tells you you've the right to judge, even as your own judgment creeps up on you and erodes you from your feet up. it's more painful to admit surrender for a person who's always thought he was right.

that said, i've never thought i'd see sudden cardiac arrest so poignant on the big screens. until today.

ah.

back to the grind. 5 days to pros.




i am falling in love with ryuzuki.

down with a green runny/stuffy/stinky nose. am thinking of green mucoid colonies in mark taylor practs, but for the life of me i can't rmb any, except the very impressive golden yellow staph aureus colonies. and the nice beta hemolytic strep pyogenes, which i think were grey. quite sure they weren't green. and that's a pretty good thing, unless my mucinous secretions vary form the biochemical makeup of blood agar so much that the colonies have to put on green camo cream to hide in my nose to wreak havoc... i should be safe from the harbingers of doom. called ARF and AGN. ARF and AGN are good friends. but the former is more commonly seen in young ladies, whereas AGN prefers little kiddies. and being disguised as the benign looking but malicious underneath neighborhood uncle paedophile waving little lollies, AGN comes on as a strep throat, gets settled down in the kidneys, and pretty much makes frothy pee out of the poor freaked out sick kid (and possibly his entire family and extended kampong) until he/she spontaneously recovers in a couple of weeks. the nice part of the ending is that AGN rarely scars the kidneys permanently, except in adult cases, which are rather rare to start off with. (raises eyebrows at those who refuse to contemplate the necessary evil of growing up and acting maturely/their age) whatever. i think i'm too sick to think straight. i'm quite screwed by this bout of URTI, much as i don't want to admit it myself. the dry cough's just getting started, i know. and it's already sounding like a symphony of old uncles from the Hack's sweets company ad. am either looking down my lumpy red throat at a particularly virulent little bugger and his friends (waves pentorch gloomily into the recesses of my palatopharyngeal folds) who hasn't seen the insides of my system for YEARS (i'm serious - trust me, when u need a handy little cough and flu to help you get past a certain critical barrier, like, say, NAPFA... they evade you like YOU'RE the bugger) or i'm more immunocompromised than my happily fluorescing white cells are willing to let on. either way, 2 rounds of URTI (bacterial - backed up by solidly green exudates pouring candidly out my respiratory tract) and 1 case of cystitis (reads off the list of top 5 causative agents in a rolling monotone - E.coli, Klebsiella, Staph. saprophyticus, AdenoV 11/21 hemorrhagic cystitis, Staph. epidermidis. Nosocomial - Psuedomonas, Staph aureus, but STILL E.Coli and Kleb primarily)... wait where was i? oh yeah. self piteous complaining. so, 2 cases of URTI and 1 case of (most probably bacterial) UTI and u've got some really bad alliteration and some worrying to do. like... think hepatic failure? lolx. ohkay so that's totally ER/Grey's anatomy but then... my immunity's really been quite a point of self-satisfaction, really. the fact that i've been (quite inconveniently) immune to colds, flus, GE etc that get the rest of the population makes me rather happy. but i've been GE-ing, coughing, sniffing, and seeing the toilet basically much more than i'd like to (or should, considering that tis the season for full scale panicked mugging and here i am enjoying pizza and trashy magazines) so that makes me wonder. when i've got time after the exams, i'll probably take a bit more time to wonder. since there's not much else i can do in that 24ml of atrophied gel called cerebral matter up there in my calvaria, anyway. besides going into absence seizures. heck, the way i go into daydreaming trances, one'd think i were paid to undergo some freakishly unethical electrode implantation into my medial temporal lobe just for the heck of seeing an idiot drool onto her neuroscience notes for 20minutes without processing a single word... at the rate of about 3 per hour (give or take a couple of seconds for postictal recovery). the irony, the irony. one can almost taste it... what the *^%$ is an absence person doing with a set of epilepsy notes???? :P

i can almost imagine myself having alzheimer's from the time of the previous set of CAs to right about now... continuing into the pros... (stands and runs around shrieking ululantly in Somalian swear words)

since the brain is immunologically privileged... can i apply for a transplant? what i've got seems to have next to no function at all left... >_<

i want to be a runaway.

this isn't a fresh new beginning, something picked up afresh from the wild flowers and weeds imploring earnestly along the roadside on which i run (figuratively). this is something brewing, nascent since forever met eternity at the start of everything, and will keep bubbling underneath the surface of a thousand and one colours.

something like nu wa and her gigantic cauldron of stones and sand, weaved into a piece of corner-heaven (does heaven HAVE corners? will Jesus ever wear jeans?) and mixed into the fabric of life.

except that this time, i'm making the patchwork quilt FROM life, not into life. or maybe i'm wrong right from this beginning, this middle, this end of the beginning and beginning of the end. that i'm making and sculpting and directing life from a little 15" screen even as i peck away determinedly with 2 stubby fingers.

i want to be a runaway.

so may this be he ticket, the platform,the little pebble that launches me into a new passion for writing and creating and expression; like how the dragonfly seduces the waterfront as its bed for new progeny; like how a swimmer poises poignantly on the starting block of the poolside.

perhaps one day, i will.