forget it.

still don't understand.

i'm not productive, not productive at all. sleeping 20 hour stretches, waking up with eyes around my tremulous heart hoping another day wouldn't happen but it always will, it always will. escapism's problem is that no matter how far u run, u end up chasing ur own tail and u trip up, kissing the dirt wondering what's gonna happen, is it gonna be the same old shit, and yes, u already know the answer in ur heart. ain't going nowhere is what i call it. but i just can't stop myself from sleeping so much even though it's abnormal to fall asleep on a friday afternoon and wake up on a saturday. and even worse when u sleep on a thursday and wake up on a saturday. sometimes i feel so disjointed it scares me, cos i feel likei don't even exist and i'm just a lump of amorphic protoplasm floating around trying to do things unsuccessfully.

strange lifestyle, strange person. fits like a puzzle.

getting nowhere with my writeup. not materializing miraculously either. sleepy again.

i might need a pituitary transplant. or very strong scotchtape on my upper eyelids.

i think the scotchtape works better. it's cheaper. and heck, if i need a repeat, it's easier to get.

i'm never letting anyone near me with a spinal anesthesia needle. i mean it! that thing is one of the scariest medical instruments i've ever seen being used so far... and the thought that i once had someone shove that repeatedly into me just scares me into slackjawed oblivion.