am currently musing.

usually i'm amusing, but today i decided i'm going to take a break and start musing. for once. everyone around me muses once in a while, even once in a reaaaally long while, but not me. i tend to do before i think, to feel before i do, and to curse before i feel. i judge, i negate, i snub, i detest. i push away and haul off, i fling rapidly and shun squeamishly. all these, an many more, i am capable and well versed in. ah but the mystical, veiled art of musing, i have yet to elucidate. and of course, after all the intensity of the moment has all but passed away, i settle down to fluff my feathers in preparation for the next ruffling. without thinking about the meaning, purpose and repercussions of whatever i've just accomplished. sometimes i amaze myself. most times, i amaze those around me, and stun the rest of the world into utter silence.

had church cell today. it was a really small group, with kunfu, gabriel, weichang, weiping, victor and me. but the sharing was on a more voluminous scale compared to that of normal cgs, perhaps because the lack of too many people clamoring for their turn to share makes the outpouring of the spirit much more fluent. in this case, there was no barrier, no dam, no stopgate for the torrent that flooded calab room tonight. gabriel's astronomical success at the design competition and to come, weichang's deep woes feelingly rendered unto the room about his work stuation, weiping's korea trip, her gratefulness of a bonding holiday group, and the (not so blamable) desire to become a ludicrously rich banker, and victor's emerging challenge with his radical friend. i've always wondered if it's ever going to be legal to give mandatory antipsychotic medication and 72hrs lockdown observation to cult leaders. i guess ethics wise the committee'll crap their pants, but honestly, i'm starting to see the utilitarian side of me popping up obtrusively. perhaps i'm just stubborn and impatient. but of course, aren't all surgeons like that?

am itching to bake something.
shall i attempt a bread tomorrow?
cookies? cake?

cycling at 7am with bro and dad. must remember to wake up, so i can feel the breeze rolling temptuously on my tongue, and taste the vaporised asphalt. see the sunrays dissect the face of every woe, and feel the trail of shattered dreamscapes crumble silently beneath my carefree wheels.

i am a poet.